I believe I have hit a form of rock bottom as far as m current physical status goes. I have the Fitbit One that I wear every.single.day and while I was doing great the first couple of months, my steps have dropped dramatically. I used to pull over 10,000 a day no problem, but working where I was, it was not uncommon for me to only have 2,000 or so. I was hell-bent on making sure I hit the daily steps and my old job had a lot of sitting down and not moving. Fortunately I am no longer with that company but I still struggle with the steps.
I got on the scale last Monday with a sense of dread. “What will it read this time?” I thought before taking a breath and stepping on. 162.6 lbs. I am 5’7” and on the higher end of the “healthy” weight for my height. Even though the weight is still in the normal range for me, it still disgusts me. Before I became pregnant, I was 120 lbs soaking wet, was constantly moving and never had concerns with weight gain. Now I hardly recognize my body. Since I did an open adoption I can’t even say I haven’t had time to take care of myself and believe me I have tried. It just seems like all of my attempts have been in vain. I know it is pretty rotten to say I am disgusted with myself but I think it would be worse if I lied and pretended it was all sunshine and rainbows. I don’t understand how my fiancé is attracted to me physically as I no longer see it. My stomach disgusts me and instead of moping about it any longer I am going to step up and take my diet and routines more seriously. Obviously complaining about it hasn’t made it any better.
My weight goal is not to get back to 120 lbs, I much rather be around 135 as it would be a great middle ground, the problem is finding what works. I’ve stopped kidding myself that I workout enough and eat the bet foods in the world although I have made several modifications to my diet. The goal for Fitty Duck is to chronicle my journey with weight loss. Many blogs I see are of people who have already found their balance and reached their goal. Mine is just starting. Should be an interesting journey and I really do believe it will help not only myself but others as well that are struggling with weight loss. I hope it helps to show my readers that I am not perfect, that I too am struggling right along with them.